Like two busy male birds we have been flying out of the nest and coming back with twigs, belongings and ideas on how to build the perfect nest for the boys. Perfection however is not the right goal. It’s been fun, exciting and at the same time daunting to start building in this way. We complement each other well and both have similar, yet varied, thoughts and ideas and this is working really well as we challenge ourselves and each other in making sure that EVERY decision is right for the boys.
As we find out more and more about them from social workers, foster carers, teachers and the like it really helps to develop a strong sense as to what will be right for them allowing us to construct what we think will be a happy home for them. Our main focus is wanting them to feel safe. What can we do to ease the transition for them? How can we make yet another move so much less harrowing for them and inject some sense of normality? We have been full steam ahead from some time now.
Despite being told to not start thinking this way earlier in the process I couldn’t help it and the minute we met these boys I started saving things into an Amazon wish list, looking at furniture and the like and trying to envisage what they might need. The wish list is a great idea as when you think of something that you will invariably forget later on you can save it and it will always be something to pull down in the future should we need it. Well that was my excuse 🙂
I now have it filled of many things of wonder and amusement. From Melissa and Doug wooden stamp sets, ( as we know the boys loved them when we played with them on the activity day), to arts and crafts galore, sticker books, learning books, adoption books for kids, wall stickers, lego, toys, educational aids and even a funky arts and craft tablecloth for the kitchen. The list is quite vast now. So much so that we will slowly, and only very slowly, to pull down from it things as they are needed.
We have said from the word go that we will not order lots for the boys nor have them provided with lots of gifts or presents, something that we are going to have manage the support network with and their expectations. They will come with lots of belongings, clothes, toys and treasured items and it’s important to maintain those and only add where necessary.
Temptation being to give them many gifts in a hope it will help with their transition into our home. In fact many books and psychologists recommend the opposite. Too many toys and too many distractions can be totally overstimulating and overwhelming, which in turn can have the opposite effect to the one you desired. Making a child more anxious, more stimulated and less in focus with the situation. This in turn can hinder attachment develop and progress. So we are going to hold tight to this list and see what happens naturally and at the right pace with the boys.
House preparations are well underway. We will be converting two rooms into their bedrooms and the beds are on order, along with other furniture items. Again going for a simple, understated and plain design to not allow for total overstimulation and also allowing us to build a room with the boys to their tastes, with them and with what THEY want. My temptation is to have Star Wars in there for at least one of them but I am holding back and helping them find their own natural way to the Force 🙂
As for other house prep we will do this most nights and in the coming weekends. I remember in stage one the social worker had to do a health a safety checklist on the house. For anyone going through this, or about to go through this, it’s very frustrating. We kept on having things pointed out to us, such as candlesticks, candles, glasses etc… all being in the wrong place. To which we replied, “Yes but we currently don’t have children.” This conversation continued throughout the house and our response was the same each time. Naturally when the time comes, ( which crikey moses is now!), we will and would address these points but discussing them in great detail when not relevant so early in stage one really felt like a box ticking exercise.
This weekend we started some of the other areas of house prep, such as clearing out kitchen cupboards, moving things to higher cupboards and creating space for their belongings and toys. I wonder just how much stuff they will come with? We have heard of lots of favourite toys, bikes, scooters and the like.
THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! Was the strong setiment we felt when doing this move around and sort out this weekend. It really brought it home what is about to occur and how excited and ready we are. I know we still have a few meetings and matching panel to go but we now have confirmed proposed dates for introductions to start and that is only 6 weeks away! Boy are those 6 weeks going to go slow.
Next week it’s more meetings, more excitement and a chance to have a full on family Christmas , which I can’t wait for. This will be the last one of this kind and next year will be so different but you know what…… this nest is developing well and the building blocks are in place for a magical 2017.